Testimonial search: Have I even changed?

I find myself constantly searching and racking for testimonies, only to feel I am more than forcing them out of my actions and behaviour. Harvester’s Meet and WordForLife had us think about how we have changed since accepting Christ. That change was for us to testify and ‘give them the best impression of Christianity.’ Ok, that made me doubtful.

Forget that, if it soon clears. I must really be clear of what change that happened within myself. I did pen down my thoughts about changing my attitude and opinion about my younger brother, about a really great improvement in my relationship with him, about seeing the whole other adorable side of him rather than the irritant I’ve gotten from all the hatred. That’s one. I never knew a testimony would come into use sooner than today. Who would have been convinced?

Thank God I had the chance to bring Libing to accept Christ today. And so testifying for God about my change did occur to me- did I have something truly about me- an improvement? Every aspect I come to think seem to have gone for the worse. My interactive skills seem terrible. Terribler. I don’t think I can even pull a good joke around people, let alone engage in an endless conversation with anyone. And I think I have let Karen take over me. I don’t have a piece of mind or an own opinion that can give me enough confidence to make her listen and understand.

Oh God.

It might be starting to show, testimony is always a hard time for me. Nothing ever comes to my mind when we’re given the 30-second reflect, or I come up with a somewhat out-of-point/crappy event, I really cannot bring myself to tell the others. And I think I should start being constant, worshipping God, thanking this love for everyday blessings. I have been taking these for granted.

Counting my blessings:

1. Gone shopping! I am finally given the chance to go shopping, since refraining from retail therapy for ages. Mum provided me finance, Felise provided company and fun. And Mum would not possibly have given me the money if not for the Narrogin Gift. I thank God for giving me these few, but happy hours with Felise, and at least getting a top to keep me satisfied.

2. I thank God for helping me get to Caregroup, though late- I expected the bus to go straight to the school, not around the whole parkway place and keeping me anxious and worried. I missed the time by almost a half-hour, thank God not any later than that, and thank God the people weren’t blaming me when we ended really late. I have to start familiarising with the routes.

(Stop. I actually cannot think of a blessing without digressing into something to repent. God I really am sinful!)

3. I thank God so much, this opportunity to present myself has gone so well and completed successfully! Because God has given me another chance to prove myself, that is, to do-design the Narrogin booklet, I tried so hard not to hand in late or pestered-for-work, and I did it. God really does ‘put you to it and guide you through it.’ I almost saw hiccups with Mdm Hong, but I stayed calm and followed her instructions. Thank God You do work through everybody. Every person.

4. This is Great. I have finally settled the whole Narrogin issue with my parents. Now is the stage where they caution me about stuff, tell me where I put my importants, remind me about being a girl. Thank God. Dad’s been making it so hard for me to pay, everything being so vague. And all the questions I cannot answer.  

I hope all this practice works well for me at testimony. It already makes me glad that I am spending time for God. Dear Love God, wow I do love you.